|The first project of many to come hopefully|
|I am trying to save up points to ask anyone with decent ability to make me a cute little custom icon I don't know exactly how much I need yet though because I have not decided on who to ask :/ All donations are greatly appreciated.|
I'm scared. That's the truth. The whole truth. And somehow I feel utterly calm. Soon I will have to let my B.O.C.E.S. class see the other side of me. The one that got me called "freak", "emo", "weirdo", etc. I can't not. Because then I would not be being me. I can't keep pretending to be this well dressed to casual girl who though maybe a bit shy is easy going around boys. Bahaha that's
BULLSHIT! No, I'm the girl who dresses however the hell she wants normally. And pretends to not give a shit what people think. That includes my black platform boots with the buckled straps, my black ripped skinnies, and my ripped shirt. An old friend of mine once told me "Oh come on Heavyn don't give me the 'Gothic" shit, you're too nice for that!". What the hell is that supposed to mean? And how is it gothic for me to sometimes dress like that? Well needless to say it got me picked on. If it wasn't freak or goth or emo, it was slut. Because apparently platforms are more slutty than the damn stilettos the blonde hoes at my school wear. Because that same hoe sleeping around while I do nothing is less slutty than me wearing a pair of boots. (no it is not a blonde joke, she just happens to be blonde, and no I won't mention names) And it doesn't make sense. But I admit to being scared to subjecting myself to that kind of scrutiny all over again with a class I was beginning to think I'd enjoy. I see them half a day everyday of the school week. And most of them are pretty nice people. But they haven't seen all of me yet.
Anyway onto poetry. Finally wrote a poem without forcing myself to for the first time in near a year the other day. Don't know why, just reached out, grabbed a paper and starting writing. I like it now but I'll probably scrap it in a month like I almost always do
And if you made it this far in my journal without skipping or agreeing that I am a total freak, congratulations you are my new friend